Lost and Found
by Hans the bold
Summary: A very, very different sort of fan fiction, this one is. Final update of chapters 10-11 now up, as is the rating.
1. One

Lost and Found  
  
This story, for reasons that will become clear, exists in that gray area between original fiction and fan fiction. The characters of 7th Heaven belong, as I understand it, to Brenda Hampton and the WB. The other characters, and the story itself, belong to me.  
  
Like my first attempts at 7th Heaven fanfiction roughly a year ago, this story was inspired by an episode of the show itself. There are times when one simply cannot be silent about something harmful and still face one's reflection in the mirror the next day, and this, for me, is one of those times, just as it was a year ago. Hopefully this will all make sense to you, gentle reader, when you have finished this story. Be warned that the ending, when it comes, will be intense, and if you are easily upset, you should turn back now.  
  
I feel it is only proper to dedicate this piece to all the many fans of 7th Heaven. Though you may not think so sometimes, Ol' Hans is pulling for you. Hence this little tale.  
  
Finally, this is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of these characters to any person, living or dead, is strictly coincidence. It is (c) 2002 by Hans the bold. All rights reserved.  
  
ONE  
* * *  
  
It isn't supposed to be this way.  
  
Maybe if I keep telling myself this, It'll come true. Because it has to. It has to be true, don't you see? Things can't be this way, they just can't.  
  
It can't be her, lying there. It can't be her.  
  
It can't be him.  
  
It just can't.  
  
You're here now. All of you, talking quietly, doing your jobs. I'm sitting on a chair in the kitchen and I just can't stop shaking. I want to stop, want it to all go away, want it to all just be over, want to wake up screaming because this all has to be just be a nightmare.  
  
Because it isn't supposed to be this way.  
  
#  
  
You want me to talk. You want me to tell you what happened. You want to know.  
  
My name?  
  
Michelle.  
  
That's my name. I'm nineteen, and that's my name.  
  
Michelle.  
  
I'm sorry. It's my fault. It has to be all my fault, because that's the way these things always go. It has to be something I did, something I said that wasn't right. You tell me that you don't think that's true, but it is. If I hadn't done it, if I hadn't been wrong, it never would have happened.  
  
Stop telling me it isn't my fault!  
  
#  
  
Time. Here, now. Where I am. Everyone's come again, with their questions. You're with them and you have your questions too. I feel funny, though, like I'm a little lightheaded, like none of this is real.  
  
Because maybe it isn't. Maybe I'm not really Michelle and you're not really you. Maybe the whole world isn't real, and we're all just playing a game, a big game.  
  
It was always such a game, wasn't it?  
  
You want to know who she is?  
  
My best friend: Abby. We've known each other for ten years, since her family moved here to St. Louis and we met in school. We were in the second grade then and we were friends right away. And we did stuff together, too; we went to camp when we were ten and sang songs around the campfire, and we both tried out for speech club in junior high and we both like the same TV shows. We watched boys in the hallways and giggled together about them after school, and we gossiped with the other girls in school and we always stood up for each other when they gossiped about us. And when things were hard because we weren't popular or we weren't pretty enough in those days we had each other, and we helped each other, and she is my best friend.  
  
My best friend.  
  
She came over a lot, and I went to her house a lot. It isn't far; I could ride it on my bike in less than ten minutes. We had sleepovers and we would watch TV together.  
  
TV. That was fun. We loved TV. We would eat popcorn and watch. A lot of it was pretty bad and gross and there was always sex and violence on it and people not respecting each other. I remember when we were younger our moms wouldn't let us watch a lot of shows because they were about drugs and stuff like that. Instead they would rent a movie and tell us to watch that, but the movies got lame after a while and so we would go back to the TV. Our parents were always tired from working too much and so they never checked on us and we could watch what we wanted, even when it was bad.  
  
I'm sorry. This is isn't what you want to hear about, is it? You don't want to hear about how hard school is and how I wanted to be a cheerleader but I didn't make the squad and how hard it is to hear about terrorists and anthrax and gangs and drugs all the time. You don't want to hear about how much it hurts when they boys call you blobby butt and when the other girls giggle at you and your teachers don't even remember your name. But that's my life, and Abby's life too, and it sucks sometimes, you know? 


	2. Two

TWO  
* * *  
  
7th Heaven.  
  
I remember when we first saw the program. It was that new network, and the show was supposed to be about a good family, one that stayed together and loved each other and stuff. I remember that we both thought it was probably going to be dorky, but we decided to watch it anyway. And there was this grandma on the show, and she was dying of cancer, and it was so sad and so good the way her daughter and the main character who was her daughter's husband were so nice and loving with all their kids. And Abby and I looked at each other and I remember what we said like it was yesterday.  
  
"Wow. That's pretty cool."  
  
"Yeah. I'm going to start taping it."  
  
"Me too."  
  
There was another show on after it that was really gross called Buffy. It had this girl who fought vampires or something, and it was pretty scary and she was always dressing like a slut too. And there was this other girl in her school who was a real B-C-H, if you know what I mean, and Abby and I knew enough girls like that in our real lives that we didn't want to watch a show with one of them in it.  
  
But 7th Heaven was way cool. There was this minister, and he had five kids, and the mom was awesome, and minister was too, because they were always loving and taking care of their kids. So was the older brother, and he was a hunk, too. And there was this girl, just the same age as Abby and me, named Lucy, and she was smart and the actress playing her was just so awesome. There was this one time when Lucy's best friend died in a car wreck and she cried so much and was so sad ....  
  
Stop it! This isn't supposed to happen!  
  
Stop it! Stop it!  
  
#  
  
I want to wash my hands again. I don't care what you say. I want to wash them again. I want to wash them again and again because I can still feel it on them, sticky and red.  
  
Please.  
  
Please.  
  
#  
  
Abby and I watched 7th Heaven every Saturday. We'd both already seen the episodes, of course, because we'd watch them when they aired on Monday nights and then on Tuesday after school we'd go online and see if there was any information about next week's episode. After a year or so there were lots of fan sites on the internet and you could download pictures of the actors and actresses and you could post what you thought of the show there too, and that was way cool.  
  
#  
  
* I love Matt!!!! He's sooo hot!!!!  
  
* This is a great show because it has all these family values and they are good Christians and everything. I mean most Tv is just about killing and violence and here is a show about a fmaily who really love each other. I love 7th Heaven and I watch it every week and I will forever!!!  
  
* I think the halloween ep was great like the way lucy was the only one to be nice to that poor guy who was just trying to live his life after he got hit onthe head or whatever and the way she got him to carve the pumpkin and enter it in the contest and then the way simon was all a good sportsman and all was a realy good message to kids and i love this show LUCY RULZ!!!!!  
  
* As a 35 year old mother of four, I'm glad there is finally a show that I can sit down and watch with my kids. The Camdens and their five children set a good example, and afterward, by talking about the show, we can talk about things that parents should talk to their kids about. Maybe it's a bit sappy, but that's a small price to pay for the quality time it's helped me have with my children.  
  
* I wish the camdens were my famly.  
  
#  
  
Saturday. So we'd get together and watch the episode. Just me and Abby. I know we both had crushes on Matt, because he was such a cool big brother. Neither Abby or I have a big brother; she's an only child and I've just got Mark, who is a booger head. And we'd sit and watch and it was cool even though we knew what was going to happen.  
  
I remember the episode where that guy snapped Mary's bra and she stuck his head in the toilet. She was so cool and Abby and I rewound the scene and watched it a couple more times, too. The actress who played Mary was so pretty, and so was the one who played Lucy; did you know that the one who played Lucy is older than the one who played Mary? It's true.  
  
Snap. Toilet head.  
  
Abby laughed. "That's never gonna get old," she said.  
  
"Don't you wish you could do that to Jim at school?" I asked.  
  
Jim was a jerk. He was always leering at the girls and talking trash about us. And he was ugly, too, with pimples, and his hair was dirty all the time.  
  
"Yeah," Abby said. "That would be so cool. Don't you just love the way Matt tells that guy he doesn't need to fight his sister's battle for her?"  
  
"I wish Matt was my brother."  
  
She nodded. "Me too. I wish I was a Camden." 


	3. Three

THREE  
* * *  
  
I used to lie awake at night and think the same thing. God, wouldn't it be cool to be Lucy, just to wake up in the morning and there I'd be, Lucy Camden, and I'd look over and there would be Mary, and then we'd be best friends like Abby and I were but we'd be sisters too, and we'd go downstairs and there would be Eric Camden, our DAD, and Mrs. Camden, our MOM, and Matt and Simon and Ruthie. And we'd go to church on Sundays in our pretty clothes and we'd be pretty too, Mary and me.  
  
I wish I was pretty like Lucy. I wish boys liked me the way they like her.  
  
I wish every day was Saturday and Abby and I could watch the Camdens on TV.  
  
I wish Abby' parents hadn't gotten divorced.  
  
It's not fair. It isn't. Parents are supposed to be in love and love is supposed to be forever. You are supposed to find the right one, the one who is perfect for you, and you are supposed to fall in love and you are supposed to love each other forever. That's the way it is supposed to be and everybody knows it. But Abby's parents didn't know this and they would fight and more and more she would come over to my house to spend the night and we would sit up late and talk about this stuff. Or she would talk and I would just listen, sitting in my room.  
  
"I don't understand it. What's wrong with them?"  
  
"Did they say anything to you?"  
  
She shook her head. "Just my mom. She told me it wasn't about me. She said she still loves me, and that my dad loves me, but how could they love me and do this to me? He's talking about moving to Colorado. I'd have to live with him there half the time."  
  
This thought scared me. Abby was my best friend.  
  
"Colorado."  
  
"Yeah. They fight all the time, Michelle. That's all they do. Dad sleeps on the couch now. I'm so scared ...."  
  
She cried some, there in my room. I hugged her. I wish I knew what to say. After a while she stopped, looked at me.  
  
"Can we watch some 7th Heaven?"  
  
#  
  
There were twins now, just little babies. Lucy had broken up with her boyfriend while Annie was having them, and that had been sad. Abby and I both felt bad for her in that episode, because it must be hard to break up with someone. But we agreed that this boy hadn't been right for her, and it's important that you look for true love when you are with someone. Lucy was dating a lot now, and Abby and I were trying to and wanting to, but it was harder for us, because we were in the real world and boys were weirder in the real world than on TV.  
  
And Lucy was so cool, it was easy to see why she got dates.  
  
I remember there was one time at school when I had to stand up for her.  
  
#  
  
There was this girl, Theresa. She wasn't all that pretty, and she said one day at lunch how cool Buffy the vampire slayer was. I hadn't watched that show in years, and I had only watched it once, but I remember that Buffy was a major slut and that the show was really violent, so I said so.  
  
"Oh?" Theresa said. "Well, she isn't a slut. She had true love with Angel, and she killed him to save the world. That isn't a slut."  
  
"How stupid is that?" I answered. "It isn't even realistic. Buffy is just about killing people. She doesn't know anything about love."  
  
"It's more realistic than anything else on TV," Theresa snipped. "It's more than about vampires. It's about life in high school."  
  
"No it isn't."  
  
"Name me one show that is more realistic."  
  
Well, I had her now.  
  
"7th Heaven," I said.  
  
She laughed. Some of the other girls did too.  
  
"That piece of crap?"  
  
"It isn't crap!"  
  
"A preacher and his stupid family, all moralizing. God, that's the stupidest show on TV!"  
  
I don't know why, but I was suddenly shouting.  
  
"It isn't! It's about real life! It's about how families should be! It's about how life should be! It isn't some fake thing you just watch because you think it's fun! It teaches you lessons!"  
  
"Like how to be loud?" Theresa giggled.  
  
I said something bad to her then, called her a real bad word. I felt bad later for this, but it was true. She was stupid. TV had lots of bad shows, shows with all that sex and violence, but 7th Heaven was a good moral show.  
  
It didn't matter what Theresa said, anyway. She could be like Buffy and be a slut if she wanted to. I was going to be like Lucy Camden. 


	4. Four

FOUR  
* * *  
  
I don't ever want to get menopause. I mean, Annie was such a great mom all those years, and then she got all mean. And it was the menopause, you know.  
  
I wonder if my mom got menopause and never told me.  
  
Because my mom didn't talk to me much. She worked a lot, got home late. So did my dad. I usually had to make my own dinner, and dinner for Mark, and often Abby came home from school with me and we'd eat together. This was good because they were running old episodes of 7th Heaven in the afternoons, and we would watch them as we ate and Mark played video games in his room. Abby's dad had moved out but her mom got full custody, so she didn't have to move to Colorado. She didn't talk about him much these days, but I noticed that she always watched the TV really closely whenever Eric Camden came on.  
  
It was hard, sometimes, to watch the show. Mary was gone; she had gone bad and vandalized the school gym and then had kept getting into trouble, and finally Eric and Annie had had no choice but to send her to the Colonel's house in Buffalo so he could help her. This was sad for Abby and me, because the Camdens were having real problems just like real families did, and we didn't want anything bad to happen to them. But at least Lucy was doing okay. She had gotten engaged to a cute guy played by a guy from 'N Sync and she was going to become a minister just like Eric. It was really romantic, especially when the guy, whose name was Jeremy, took her to a club and she sang for him.  
  
"That's love," Abby said to me the Saturday we watched it together. "That's what I want a boy to do for me."  
  
I nodded. They were so perfect together. Jimmy and Rod had just been boyfriends; this was the real thing.  
  
Only it wasn't. I never understood why, since Jeremy never really appeared on the show again.  
  
But I still liked Lucy. I felt really bad for her as she tried to get over Jeremy. And I felt badly for Annie, too, because of the menopause. It was hard to be a Camden now, but I still would have rather been Lucy than Michelle. Than me.  
  
Because my life was too hard. My mom and dad worked all the time, except for that one summer when they took Mark and me on vacation and it went badly and everybody got mad at each other. I don't know whose fault it was but I just wanted things to be right. I just wanted a family that was always happy, like the Camdens.  
  
And I wanted a boyfriend. So did Abby. Even Theresa had a boyfriend, and he was going to take her to the prom. Is it so wrong to want a boyfriend? Is it so wrong to want to kiss a guy?  
  
If only Abby and I were pretty like Lucy, we'd get boyfriends. Look at all the guys she has who like her. Look at all the guys she kisses. Robbie likes her too, and he's cute.  
  
Like Kevin.  
  
God, Kevin was a hunk.  
  
Like Vick.  
  
I couldn't believe it. Vick liked Abby. He asked her to the prom.  
  
Vick!  
  
#  
  
He was so cool. I remember that. Vick was cool. Nothing bothered him, nothing phased him. He was new in school, but he fit in right away during our senior year. Maybe it was because he didn't know too many people that he asked Abby out. Whatever.  
  
She was going, of course. She had to. You don't turn down a guy like Vick.  
  
You just don't.  
  
I got asked too. It was late and I knew I was only asked because there weren't many people left and no one wanted to be alone on the big night. And yeah, it was Jim who asked me.  
  
You remember Jim. The guy who was always looking at the girls, always leering?  
  
Well, I said yes, because I didn't want to be alone, and the truth was that Jim wasn't quite as odious as he used to be. He didn't leer anymore; in fact he didn't talk much either, just read books in the library. So I said yes, and Abby and I picked out our gowns together and we talked and made each other up the afternoon before, and we had Vick and Jim pick us up at my house, since Abby's mom was out of town on a business trip or something. I had wanted to do a double date, but Abby said no.  
  
"I asked Vick about it," she said. "He didn't want to."  
  
I smiled.  
  
"That's cool. I'll see you at the dance, anyway. Maybe I'll get a dance with Vick."  
  
She giggled. "Not with my boyfriend."  
  
#  
  
It was nice. Jim was nice. He held the door for me when I got in his car, and he bought me dinner at a good restaurant, and it was nice to feel pretty and all. I think he wanted to kiss me, too, but he was nervous, and I didn't really want to kiss him anyway.  
  
You are supposed to save your kissing for people you love, and I didn't love Jim. Love is one of those things you know right away.  
  
So we got to the dance, and we danced, and I saw Abby and we talked a bit, but only for a bit, because Vick was always there, so handsome, and I watched as they danced, close, her chin against his chest, and Jim kept stepping on my toes because he was clumsy.  
  
I felt so happy for Abby. A week later she first admitted to me that she was in love with Vick. 


	5. Five

FIVE  
* * *  
  
It used to be that people were polite. You could go on the internet and look at the posting boards and there would be lots of people like you there, people who loved 7th Heaven and who appreciated it. Sure, there were always a few, people like Theresa, who would come to the boards and say stupid and mean things about the show, but there didn't used to be very many of them.  
  
It was different now. People were saying really terrible things about 7th Heaven and the Camdens. There was one site where all they did was call the show stupid. I went there once and looked around; it was Saturday night but Abby was out on a date with Vick. I was in college now, at the local community college. I thought of Lucy when I went there, how she was in college too, over at Crawford. I kept hoping I'd meet a good guy at college or somewhere, just like she had met Kevin. It was so romantic, the way he'd asked her out right there, when he had arrested her at the airport. Why couldn't that happen to me?  
  
One guy at the negative web site was going on and on about how offended he was that Lucy had made terrorist threats at the airport. He called it an insult to the people who died on 9-11. I couldn't believe what I was reading.  
  
#  
  
* Note also that this is the first mention of the terrorist attacks of 9-11 made on 7th Heaven, and it gets to be used as a plot contrivance so a Camden girl can swap spit with some guy. 3000 dead people don't seem to matter to this network; not at all. Mass murder? What a nifty way for Lucy to meet her next date! This appalling insensitivity to the very real pain and shock we have all endured is, in my opinion, a new low for the show. And this from the daughter who wants to become a Minister?  
  
#  
  
I logged on, created a nickname for myself, typed furiously.  
  
#  
  
* Ican't believe you people!!!! This is a GREAT SHOW!!!!! Its about MORAL people who love each other and its a romance!!!! If you hate the show so much STOP WATCHING IT!!!! GET A LIFE, LOSERS!!!!  
  
#  
  
My hands were shaking as I posted the message. I don't know why I was so angry, but I was. And for a moment then I felt real fear, because who knew who these people were? Was one of them a hacker who would track me down? Maybe I should pull the message.  
  
I thought hard about this for a moment.  
  
No. What I had said was right, and it needed to be said. Because 7th Heaven was a good show. It was. Sure, the characters were different than they had been, but that's because they were growing up and things are always different when you are growing up. I wondered for a moment who this guy who was so offended by the way Lucy met Kevin was. Why would he say something like that? His words were there, on my screen, like he was staring at me.  
  
He's a jerk, I told myself. Just a jerk.  
  
The thought came to me then. I don't know where it came from but suddenly it was there. What if he was really sad because of 9-11? What if he was just saying what he felt, not because he was mean or a jerk, but because that was just how he felt?  
  
I shook my head. No. Maybe it wasn't perfect, but 7th Heaven was a good show. He had no right to say things like that about it. 7th Heaven made me feel good. It showed that life could be good and that true love was real.  
  
I turned off my computer and pulled out one of the old episodes of 7th Heaven, turned on my TV and shoved the tape into the VCR. As the words of the theme song echoed into the room I closed my eyes and sang it along with them.  
  
And it was just me, Lucy, twelve years old again, with a happy family that loved me, life so simple and carefree .... 


	6. Six

SIX  
* * *  
  
Kevin was a regular now; I watched the season premiere and giggled every time he came onscreen. He was such a hunk, and he loved Lucy so much. She was so lucky. And he was a good strong man, the kind of man every girl should want.  
  
A man like Vick.  
  
#  
  
Abby was quieter now, when I saw her. This wasn't often and I missed our Saturday nights; in those last weeks of high school they had become more than just a review of the last episode; we had begun to pull out tapes of the earlier seasons and watch them too, watch as our favorite family grew, as Mary and especially Lucy became young women, and their lives became filled with boyfriends and fiancés and romance.  
  
God, Ben and Kevin were hunks! Where were all the guys like them?  
  
I sat alone in the den wondering.  
  
I thought of Vick.  
  
Handsome. Unemotional. He didn't say much but when he did you listened.  
  
Does he have a brother?  
  
I giggled. It couldn't hurt to ask.  
  
#  
  
Abby met me at the door. She looked a little tired, but she let me in.  
  
"What's new?" I asked her.  
  
We were drinking coffee now, in the kitchen of her house.  
  
"Not much," she said.  
  
"How's Vick?"  
  
She shrugged. "Fine."  
  
I smiled. She was so lucky. A lot of guys just went with you to the prom, then went off to college and got new girlfriends. Vick had stuck around; he was going to community college too, and I saw him once in a while. I said hi to him occasionally, and he always answered with a smile.  
  
"Did you catch the latest 7th Heaven?" I asked. "Captain Jack's dad showed up. He was threatening the Camdens."  
  
She nodded. She looked tired, and I wondered if she was coming down with something.  
  
"Who's Captain Jack?" she asked.  
  
#  
  
I just stared at her for a moment.  
  
"You know," I said. "He's that new guy that's dating Mary. The one who's too old for her."  
  
She nodded half heartedly. Then she sighed, looked away.  
  
"I'm leaving Vick," she said softly.  
  
"What?"  
  
She nodded again.  
  
"How can you do that?" I asked. "He's perfect. I can tell he loves you. How can you leave a perfect guy?"  
  
Now she sighed, said nothing. It was odd, to see her this quiet.  
  
"He looks at other women," she said then. "I've seen him. And ...."  
  
Her voice trailed off. I shook my head. "Just because he looks, it doesn't mean anything. Guys look, but it doesn't mean they don't love you. You and Vick were meant for each other."  
  
She looked back at me now. "You really think so?"  
  
"Sure. Maybe if you just work harder and make him see how much you love him, he'll see what a great catch you are. You have to work hard to keep a man, especially a hunk like him."  
  
She nodded. We finished our coffee. 


	7. Seven

SEVEN  
* * *  
  
I watched 7th Heaven. Alone.  
  
Abby wasn't home much anymore. I saw her a few times, with Vick. He seemed to like going out with the two of us, but he was always there and it was hard to talk with him around, because he didn't watch the show and he wasn't a girl. He liked sports, and we went to a lot of sports bars. There was one which he really liked where the waitresses all wore really short shorts and tight t-shirts and did the hula hoop for the customers, and while they did Abby and I would just sit quietly and try not to seem conspicuous. We didn't have bodies like the waitresses did, but I knew the men were looking at us anyway. Finally I got up to go to the ladies' room.  
  
"I'd like to go too," Abby said softly.  
  
Vick looked at her. He had that strong, masculine way of freezing his gaze on you.  
  
I saw Abby lower her eyes. Finally he spoke.  
  
"All right. Be back quick."  
  
She nodded and stood, and we stepped to the bathroom.  
  
We touched up our makeup. It was quiet in there. Finally I spoke.  
  
"Is everything all right, Abby? You look tired."  
  
She nodded. "I'm fine."  
  
"How's Vick?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
I wanted her to say more. She raised her lipstick, dabbed at her lips.  
  
That's when I saw the bruise on her neck.  
  
#  
  
It was hard to see; she was wearing a high collared blouse. But it was there.  
  
On my best friend.  
  
"What's that?" I asked.  
  
She grew suddenly red.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"It looks like a bruise," I said. "What happened?"  
  
"Nothing. I ran into the door of a cabinet. I was clumsy. It's my fault."  
  
I tried to picture how a cabinet door could cause such a bruise, failed. "Did you see a doctor?" I asked.  
  
"Vick said it was nothing," she told me.  
  
I nodded. Men like Vick are tough. That's one of the things that makes them so cool. A little bruise wouldn't bother him. He probably thought it was sexy.  
  
"We should get back," she said.  
  
"What's the hurry? Keep a man waiting, and he'll love you more, don't you think?"  
  
It was a little dim in the ladies' room, but I think she paled a bit.  
  
"I have to get back," she said. "If we're late in ordering it'll be my fault."  
  
She went before I could answer. 


	8. Eight

EIGHT  
* * *  
  
A double bypass. Eric Camden needed a double bypass. And he took his family bowling. What was he doing? Shouldn't he at least tell Annie?  
  
He just doesn't want to worry her, that's all. It's a serious operation and he just wants a last night with his family.  
  
Oh, God, are they going to kill Eric?  
  
No. They can't do that.  
  
They can't.  
  
He's so funny as Elvis. Abby should see this.  
  
#  
  
Abby.  
  
My best friend. I had known her for more than ten years.  
  
I called her mother's house. Vick picked up.  
  
"Hi, Vick. Is Abby there?"  
  
"Nope. Sorry."  
  
"Can you have her call me?"  
  
"I'll try, but she's pretty busy."  
  
"With what?"  
  
"I'll give her your message."  
  
Dial tone.  
  
#  
  
It's not right. Eric isn't right. I guess it was the surgery, but he's not right. And on the internet, people were getting really nasty about the show, even on the network's official site.  
  
#  
  
* This show is offensive toward women. Where in earlier seasons Mary and Lucy were both shown to be strong, independent characters, in the last two years they have each been written as shallow, obsessed with male approval, and weak. Lucy's relationship with Kevin is particularly troubling since he shows all the signs of an abuser. They need to cut his character from the show and start treating women as people instead of pretty faces ready to kiss the next man who comes along.  
  
#  
  
This can't be right. It can't be. It's a good show. It teaches values. Most TV is just sex and violence; I'll bet that's what all these negative posters like, too. America has no values anymore so when a show comes along like 7th Heaven all they want to do is trash it, tear it down. I'll bet they just wish their father was like Eric and their mother was like Annie. I'll bet they're just jealous because someone has the guts to stand up for the family and the way things ought to be.  
  
And Kevin loves Lucy. It's a romance. I wish I had a man like Kevin. I wish I was Lucy Camden.  
  
I typed my response furiously, posted it.  
  
#  
  
* WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE???? KEVIN LOVES LUCY!!!!  
  
#  
  
I try to call, but Abby isn't home. We used to talk about things, about anything, but now we never talk anymore.  
  
I'm lonely. I'm alone. What is wrong with me? Why won't people love me?  
  
#  
  
I wanted to go out. I wanted to date, meet the right guy. Abby had met her guy, even though she seemed to have forgotten about her friends because of him. But that's the way it goes, you know? I mean, Lucy never talks to friends, and she has Kevin.  
  
Oh, God, I'm close to twenty. I don't want to be alone. It's Saturday night and I'm alone. Mark is going out with his friends, and my parents are out of town.  
  
At least I've got 7th Heaven.  
  
This week's episode is called "Lost Souls". I make some popcorn and curl up alone in the den to watch the tape.  
  
I hope I don't cry too much. 


	9. Nine

NINE  
* * *  
  
Lucy is so jealous as she leaves the pool hall. I guess she has a right to be, since Kevin didn't tell her about his first marriage. He should have told her. But that isn't abuse, like all those negative people are saying. He loves her, and no one abuses someone they love. But I can see where she needs to talk to someone, so it's good she ran into the new Reverend.  
  
Please don't cry, Lucy. It's all going to turn out all right. You'll forgive Kevin, and he'll love you again.  
  
They shift to Eric. I wish he would get over his depression, because he needs to help people. It should be him in the church with Lucy, not Reverend Hampton.  
  
Nearby, I hear something.  
  
A banging.  
  
I turn my head, my mouth full of popcorn.  
  
On the front door.  
  
I rise, move to the door, check the peephole.  
  
Abby.  
  
#  
  
As I open the door she pushes inside.  
  
"Lock it!" she gasps. "Hurry!"  
  
"What is it?" I ask her.  
  
"Hurry! Oh, God, Michelle, please hurry!"  
  
I close the door, lock it.  
  
"Abby, what is it?"  
  
"Him! He's coming! He's right behind me! Oh, God, this is all my fault!"  
  
She's crying now, trembling.  
  
"Who?" I ask. "Who's coming?"  
  
"I had to, Michelle! I had to tell him I was leaving!"  
  
"Vick?" I ask.  
  
She nods, her gaze still down.  
  
"Why, Abby?"  
  
She is about to answer when the pounding begins. The door rattles from the force of it. I turn to my friend, just as she stumbles. For the first time I see her face clearly.  
  
Bruises. Both eyes.  
  
A voice, from outside.  
  
"Open the goddamn door! Abby! Open the door!"  
  
My breath catches in my throat. The door resists another pounding.  
  
Vick.  
  
No. Not Vick. It can't be Vick. Vick loves her. He loves her like a man is supposed to love a woman. He is strong, firm. He guides her, makes sure she is all right, that she does all right.  
  
Isn't that right? Isn't that the way it is supposed to be?  
  
"Open this goddamn door! Now!"  
  
I freeze in place. What do I do? What am I supposed to do? This can't be happening! This isn't the way it goes!  
  
Then the glass of the window by the door shatters with the force of his fist. 


	10. Ten

TEN  
* * *  
  
I lead Abby to the den, away from the front door, away from the living room, even as his hand, bloodied from the glass, finds its way to the deadbolt lock. I close and lock the sliding doors between the two rooms, but I know they won't hold for long. Vick is in the foyer now, yelling.  
  
And Eric is sitting on the porch, strumming his guitar. Kevin has already ordered Simon, Roxanne and Cecilia to help him find Lucy.  
  
I hear Vick again.  
  
"Abby! Just come out! I won't do anything, I swear! I just want to talk!"  
  
I look at her. She is trembling so badly she cannot stand, and she collapses to the couch, spilling the bowl of popcorn to the floor.  
  
"Abby!"  
  
A phone. I need a phone. I need to call 911.  
  
I hear Vick's hands on the sliding door. I hear his shoulder against it.  
  
I run as the lock tears from the thin wood under the force of his body.  
  
Kevin has entered the church. Lucy and Reverend Hampton rise at his approach.  
  
#  
  
As I reach the kitchen I hear Abby scream. I hear him yelling over it.  
  
"You ran! What did I tell you would happen if you ran?"  
  
Her voice.  
  
"Please, Vick .... I'm sorry, please ...."  
  
"Bitch!"  
  
I hear the sound of a fist connecting with flesh.  
  
"I saw you, bitch! I saw you look at him! I know what you wanted to do, you whore! You're never leaving me, you understand?"  
  
She screams. I hear his fist fall again and the scream dies, replaced by whimpers as he hits her.  
  
The phone. I need to call the police, need to get them here, need to stop this before he kills her.  
  
Because he will kill her. Somehow I know this. Somehow it is there, suddenly.  
  
He will kill my best friend.  
  
The phone is there, but I do not reach for it. No. No time. It's too late.  
  
I look down and see that the largest of our kitchen knives has found its way into my hand. 


	11. Eleven

ELEVEN  
* * *  
  
What do you want me to say? What do you want me to think? What do you want me to do?  
  
It isn't supposed to be this way.  
  
It's not. Love is supposed to be forever.  
  
I step back to the den. Abby has fallen back, limp under his blows. Her face is a bloody mess in the dim light and I can just hear her breathing as it comes around her shattered nose and mouth.  
  
Kevin is confronting Lucy in the church. His face, stiff, controlled, can barely conceal his rage at finding her with Reverend Hampton.  
  
Vick looks over, sees me.  
  
And the knife in my hand plunges down.  
  
#  
  
It's like spearing stale jello, almost. Just that bit of resistance going in, and then it is soft and there is the look on his face as the blood comes, lots of it, spraying and shooting out over me and over Abby and over the couch. Blood, red and thick and everywhere as I stab again, again, again. And Vick slipping, crying out as he falls away, the knife coming free of my hand as he does, falling to the carpet beside him.  
  
It is suddenly very, very quiet in the room.  
  
Moments pass.  
  
Lucy enters the pool hall, and in the background the country music is playing. She approaches Kevin. And as I stand there, watching, they talk.  
  
Only the words seem so distant now.  
  
Lucy: "By the way, you're forgiven."  
  
Kevin: "You're not."  
  
I don't know if Abby is breathing now. I don't know if Vick will get up. I don't know anything anymore, because nothing is the way it is supposed to be. Nothing makes sense like it is supposed to.  
  
And I know it never will.  
  
I reach down, my hand soaked with blood. I take the remote, holding it carefully lest it slip, and with a single punch of a single button, I turn off the TV.  
  
THE END 


End file.
